Category Archives: Humor

Virginia Beach man steals millions in the name of biotech

We all know that government regulations for the biotech industry are relaxed (to say the least). Well, the government isn’t the only one placing an undue amount of blind trust into the billion dollar Big Ag industry. Banks have been fooled, as well.

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After claiming to be a scientist heading up a corporation that produces genetically engineered trees, Suntrust awarded 52-year-old Irfan M. Jameel a loan of “$3 million to buy a waterfront property in Virginia Beach. Gateway Bank loaned him $2.375 million, and a local credit union gave him a $46,000 car loan, according to court documents.” All of this information comes from an article posted on Virginia Beach’s local news station Wavy.com.

Mr. Jameel, was, of course, engineering the whole sham. Get more details, including the sentence the judge bestowed upon this “GE trees scientist.”

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Filed under GE Trees, Genetic Engineering, Humor

The Onion skewers Monsanto in sci-fi horror scenario

"Officials say Indianapolis is now 60 percent corn," photo from the Onion with the article

“Officials say Indianapolis is now 60 percent corn,” photo from the Onion with the article

The Onion has been on a roll lately with some great headlines showing that it’s still going strong. Here’s a classically painful-but-funny parody we saved for the weekend, “Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest.”

In it, The Onion creates a sci-fi horror scenario very much in the spirit of 1950s, but reading carefully, one can see that it draws carefully from reality, including effects much like the known ecological damage of Monsanto crops (water depletion, for example) and giving it a very Monsanto-like name. Moreover, be sure to read the last paragraph! The author clearly follows the news on Monsanto closely.

This article is a classic parody because it brings out how close to sci-fi horror and how absurd Monsanto really is, along with everything else we can say about it.

Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Wreaking untold environmental and economic devastation throughout the region, a strain of harvest-resistant corn engineered by the agrochemical company Monsanto is now engulfing most of the Midwest, officials confirmed Monday.

Read the whole parody here.

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Filed under Genetic Engineering, GMOs, Humor, Industrial agriculture, Monsanto

Florida governor fakes interest in climate change to grab votes

From Jeb Bush to Rick Scott, Floridians have had about as much luck with politicians as the 40-year-old Virgin did with the ladies. Of course, they do keep voting these boneheads into office, so our pity for their plight is limited.

In his latest charade as a human being with a conscience, Florida Republican governor Rick Scott, who has been adamant that climate change ranks up there with unicorns and Bigfoot, finally acquiesced and met with scientists. According to Farron Cousins of Desmogblog, the meeting was more about propaganda than protecting the environment.

Florida State University environmental science professor Jeffrey Chanton gives a presentation to Florida governor Rick Scott on climate change on Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2014 in Tallahassee, Fla. Photo: Brendan Farrington/AP)

Florida State University environmental science professor Jeffrey Chanton gives a presentation to Florida governor Rick Scott on climate change on Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2014 in Tallahassee, Fla. Photo: Brendan Farrington/AP

See, Scott’s biggest rival in the next election (Charlie Crist – again) does actually believe in climate change, so this meeting was all about Scott cleaning up his drill-baby-drill persona in order to nab the votes of those lucky folks living on the Florida’s soon-to-be-submerged coastlines.

Florida Governor Rick Scott Meets With Climate Scientists, Learns Nothing
by Farron Cousins, Desmogblog, August 26, 2014

[…]

Governor Scott recently met with prominent climate scientists from universities with the expressed goal of learning all that he could about climate change.  The truth, however, is that the entire experience was more of a publicity stunt than a science lesson.

According to the scientists, at least half of the thirty-minute meeting was spent with Scott asking questions about the scientists’ education, classes they teach, and various other “small talk” questions.  This left them only 15 minutes to explain the science behind anthropogenic climate change to the inattentive governor.

Check out the full article on Desmogblog. To read a play-by-play of the “meeting,” check out the aptly titled article, “After Climate Meeting, Scientists Still Aren’t Sure That Rick Scott Is ‘Climate Literate,'” by Katie Valentine from Think Progress.

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Filed under Climate Change, Humor, Political Repression, Politics

UK energy agency wins ‘biomess’ award as major biomass industry conference is targeted by environmentalists

April 10, 2014. Source: Biofuelwatch

Awards1

Photo: Biofuelwatch

Campaigners have awarded the UK Department for Energy and Climate Change (DECC) the “Biomess Award” after coming out on top of an online poll coinciding with a major biomass industry conference in London, with Drax and the Green Investment Bank coming a close second and third place, respectively.

The award for forest destruction was given at an alternative awards ceremony held last night outside a gala dinner for delegates. After a last-minute change of venue the dinner took place at the conference venue, Grange St Paul’s Hotel. More than 40 people held banners reading: “Big Biomass Fuels: Deforestation, Landgrabbing & Climate Change” and “Big Biomass Is Greenwash not Renewable Energy”.

Biofuelwatch Campaigner Duncan Law, who hosted the satirical awards ceremony, said:

The people have spoken, and as far as they’re concerned DECC are the biggest biomass baddie. Through their outrageous support for the biomass industry they have fuelled a new market for burning wood, and rewarded irresponsible companies such as Drax and their pellet suppliers Enviva for clearing ancient forests and pumping greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

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Filed under Actions / Protest, Bioenergy / Agrofuels, Climate Change, Ending the Era of Extreme Energy, False Solutions to Climate Change, Humor

Money-burning incinerator proposed

Note: A viable solution to end capitalism, or a devastating false solution to climate change?

-The GJEP Team

By Mike Ewall, April 1, 2014. Source: Energy Justice Network

moneyburningGeorge Washington Renewable Energy is proposing the nation’s first money-to-energy facility, right here in Dunboro. Critics call it a money-burning incinerator.

Nearly all of the nation’s used money is sent to landfills, but George Washington Renewable Energy sees an opportunity and hopes to generate enough electricity burning old dollars to power 50,000 homes.

Linda Thompson, recent mayor of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, takes offense at calling this the first. In 2011, Harrisburg was the nation’s largest city to go bankrupt, thanks to a trash incinerator that drove the city deep into debt. Her city lost out in a bidding war for this new project. “Harrisburg deserves to host this innovative incinerator. We have more experience burning money than any city in the nation,” Thompson said.

In 2003, when Thompson was on City Council, the city’s incinerator had already lost money nearly every year for a decade, but she voted to support the mayor’s plan to go further into debt to rebuild it, saying that God told her to support Mayor Reed’s incinerator plan. “I’ve consulted God on how to get Harrisburg back out of bankruptcy,” Thompson said, “and what better way than to fuel a new incinerator with bills saying ‘In God We Trust?'”
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Filed under Bioenergy / Agrofuels, Ending the Era of Extreme Energy, False Solutions to Climate Change, Humor

Council of Canadians sends ExxonMobil CEO Fractivist Toolkit to help in his fight against fracking

Note: Here’s an update to a story we posted a couple of day ago about Rex Tillerson, the ExxonMobil CEO who filed a lawsuit to prevent the building of a water tower for fracking near his TX home. Enjoy! – The GJEP Team

By Emma Lui, February 24, 2014. Source: The Council of Canadians

If you’ve been following the news on fracking on social media, you will have likely come across a big story about a lawsuit against fracking in Denton County, Texas. And a key spokesperson against the project is ExxonMobil’s CEO Rex Tillerson. The Council of Canadians wanted to provide some tips to Mr. Tillerson about how to fight fracking in his community. Here’s the letter we sent him.

Photo from US Uncut: https://www.facebook.com/usauncut

Photo from US Uncut: https://www.facebook.com/usauncut

Rex Tillerson
Chairman and Chief Executive Officer
ExxonMobil
Corporate Headquarters
5959 Las Colinas Boulevard
Irving, Texas 75039-2298

Dear Mr. Tillerson,

I am writing to send you a copy of our Fractivist Toolkit: How you can take action to protect water and stop fracking. With all the media buzz  that you are fighting fracking in your neighbourhood, I thought you might find some helpful tips.

The Council of Canadians created the Fractivist Toolkit for people exactly in your shoes (minus the whole being CEO to one of the biggest fracking companies in the U.S. thing). In it you will find a summary of what’s happening in Canadian and Indigenous communities (but then again you’re no stranger to fracking in B.C. and Alberta!). You’ll also find tips on how to stop fracking in your community like how to lobby your governments, how to use social media (although your story sure is making the rounds already!) and talking points (and your advantage is you have the industry arguments down pat).

I also wanted to bring your attention to the list of Further Readings and Resources. There’s a section on Information for Landowners that lists resources like the guide Information About Landowner Rights and Fracking in the U.S. that may be particularly useful to you. Continue reading

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Filed under Climate Change, Corporate Globalization, Ending the Era of Extreme Energy, Energy, Humor, Hydrofracking, Media

That was the year – Unlucky 13

January 7, 2014. Source: ETC Group

etc_groupUnlucky 13: Our 2012 year-end review, “193 Shades of Gray,” stumbled into the surreal, post-Rio+20 “Hunger Games” as FAO admitted that it has been underestimating the number of hungry people and overestimating future food requirements and, in a cowardly act of conspicuous consumption, the UN Committee on World Food Security failed to condemn biofuels; Warsaw withered the way of every climate conference since Kyoto; the USA, UK, China and Russia significantly underestimated GHG emissions while the UK, Japan, New Zealand and Australia concluded that they just don’t give a damn. UNEP first endorsed – and then disclaimed – methyl hydrates as a green, clean energy source. Haiyan/Yolanda, the most powerful typhoon ever recorded, struck the Philippines leaving four million people homeless, and a million Syrians bore the hurricane of refugee flight amidst the tsunami of winter snows.

Lucky 13: In October, a pro-Terminator bill came up for vote in Brazil’s Judicial Commission but was withdrawn; came back again at the end of December and was withdrawn again; massive GM maize plantings in Mexico about-to-be approved most of 2013 were halted by national and international mobilizations leading to a lucky legal ploy in September; that was overturned in December, but restored the same week; lucky us, Edward Snowden courageously told us more than we feared to suspect; Benedict XVI quit; replaced by the happy surprise of the year, Pope Francis. We had Nelson Mandela for 95 years.

2013’s Over-the-Top Understatements: Two demonic pearls from prominent Canadians: Toronto’s hallucinogenic Mayor, Rob Ford, admitted to the Today show, “I’m not perfect,” and Harvard’s hubristic professor, David Keith, confessed to news satirist Stephen Colbert that spraying sulfuric acid in the stratosphere (geoengineering) was a “totally imperfect technological fix.”

2013’s Idiotic Idioms:

·      “Unconventional energy,” or “unconventionals,” for short – including fracking, methane hydrate extraction;

·      “Oilsands” (a.k.a. “tar”) – the capitalist’s alternative to “alternative energy;”

·      “Distorporation” – The Economist magazine’s description of MLPs (Master Limited Partnerships) for the massive secrecy move by extractivist investors;
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Filed under Biodiversity, Bioenergy / Agrofuels, Climate Change, Ending the Era of Extreme Energy, False Solutions to Climate Change, Food Sovereignty, Genetic Engineering, Humor, Land Grabs, Rio+20, Synthetic Biology, The Greed Economy and the Future of Forests, Warsaw/COP-19, World Bank

Rising Tide versus the Avengers? The culture industry and the NSA

August 7, 2013. Source: Earth First! News

In a stomach churning development from the frontiers of the American media void, the culture industry recently vomited up a new TV show called  ”Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D”— a spin-off of the Marvel Avengers Franchise.

Among the arch nemesis of the protagonist organization—S.H.I.E.L.D.—will be cyber-terrorist group, The Rising Tide, whose logo looks surprisingly similar to the logo of our very own, dear old Rising Tide.

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The Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. are naturally a lot like the NSA. They wear suits and pose behind their own insignia of a sheer, steel eagle. The image they give off is very cold, sterile, and corporate.
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Filed under Climate Justice, Humor, Media, Political Repression, Politics, Youth